I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
