just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You ruined the universe
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
