I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
