cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
