So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Someone shit on the floor
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think we might need a safe word for this...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
