he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
