I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
