when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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