when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
