Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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