redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
