Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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