i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
