I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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