The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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