Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
