Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
