Cold hands, warm shart.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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