dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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