There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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