just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
