Do you still have your period?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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