Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
