Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
