But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
well you can't waste a boner
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
