I cockslap morals
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
