So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
