i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
