i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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