I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
