suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
