his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
