She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
