if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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