NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
