Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
