Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
