It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
