I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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