omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
