Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
