Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
