apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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