Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
