why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i now understand why vodka
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
