we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
