I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
