just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
