So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
