my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
