I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
