How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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