So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
