I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
