I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
