I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
