you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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