It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
