I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
