half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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