don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
