This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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