Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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